Growing up in South Florida, I fantasized about moving to Washington, D.C, and pursuing a career in government. My trajectory seemed infinite until my political daydreams became a living nightmare. While volunteering at a state party fundraiser, I was raped. A teenager at that time, I decided it was best to move forward with as little memory of the violation as possible.
My plan seemed successful until I doubled over in pain in a lecture hall a while later. A battery of home pregnancy tests revealed a cruel truth: I was carrying the rapist’s child.
Confused and scared, I did the unthinkable — I contacted the rapist. He showed up at my dorm doorstep, threatened to blackball me if I spoke about what he did and demanded I terminate the pregnancy.
The moment I awoke from the anesthesia, I felt a crippling crisis of conscience. I struggled to reconcile my actions and my religious beliefs. Was I a horrible person? Did I do the right thing? Should I have reported the rape? I wrestled daily with these questions and pangs of soul-crushing guilt. For many, deciding to have an abortion can be a complicated emotional process. Ultimately, I concluded having an abortion was the best choice for me and my future.
Why do I share this secret now, nearly two decades later? Women’s reproductive rights are under attack in the latest political assault in Florida. Last week, HB 5, prohibiting abortions after 15 weeks without exceptions for rape, incest or human trafficking, passed the state Legislature. Gov. Ron DeSantis is expected to sign the bill as early as next week. The law would go into effect on July 1.
Under these restrictive measures, I would have been forced to carry the rapist’s child to term in my home state. This draconian legislation is a constitutional infringement and a slap in the face of survivors of rape, incest and human trafficking. Extreme bills like HB 5 further contribute to Florida’s status as a national pariah.
However, HB 5 is not only about Florida. The bill will have wide-reaching effects across the South, where similar laws in Mississippi and Texas are already forcing individuals to cross multiple state lines to secure an abortion. This added logistical challenge will disproportionately impact minority communities, low-income populations and chronically underserved areas from accessing abortion providers. Without the economic means to travel out of state to receive an abortion, disadvantaged people will be at the mercy of a political system that excludes their very participation.
Banning abortion will not result in fewer abortions. Eliminating access to safe, legal abortion will increase the number of people who put themselves at risk to have an abortion through extralegal means. When the Supreme Court renders its long-awaited ruling in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health this spring, the Court must continue to ensure that all who need or desire an abortion continue to have unfettered access to one — just as I did.
I do not regret terminating my pregnancy. I would not have graduated from college. I would not have served in AmeriCorps. I would not be the person I am today. I understand the importance of autonomy. The refrain is simple: My body, my choice.
A native Floridian, Melissa A. Sullivan, is a spokesperson for a federal agency. A graduate of the School of Public Affairs at American University, Melissa lives in Washington, D.C., with her partner, who is active-duty military.
