If you were an alien learning about the United States from your mother planet, and the only things you were told were that it was the richest country in the world, that a very important ruling from the highest court in the land had given pregnant people the right to decide what to do with their own bodies (through the 24th week) for the last 49 years, and that, in fact, women were autonomous individuals and not property of the government, you’d probably assume that there was no such thing as an “abortion debate,” and that people who found themselves pregnant and not wanting to be were allowed to make their own decisions in consult with a medical professional. Of course, you would be very, very wrong, and probably mutter something to your fellow aliens along the lines of “Wow, what a shitty place. Glad I don‘t live there!”

Unfortunately, a lot of people who have the crazy notion that they should be allowed to decide what to do with their own bodies have to live here, and in the year 2022, it’s pretty grim! For example, conservatives are so hell-bent on gutting reproductive rights that when they propose a law in which a woman is banned from getting an abortion after 15 weeks, with no exceptions for rape or incest, they think they’re being downright “generous” and “very reasonable.” No, really—they’ve actually used those words to describe the situation!

Per The Washington Post:

Florida Republicans have coalesced around a bill they have come to describe as “very reasonable” and “generous”—a 15-week ban modeled after the Mississippi law in the U.S. Supreme Court case that will determine the future of Roe v. Wade. It’s an approach, they say, that would prevent only a fraction of the more than 70,000 abortions performed in Florida each year, the vast majority of which take place in the first trimester. 

“We’re not banning anything. We’re not being mean,” said state Sen. Kelli Stargel, a Republican from central Florida and a chief sponsor of the Mississippi-style bill that was approved by a committee last week and is expected to win easy passage before the legislative session ends in March. “We’re not taking away a woman’s opportunity.”

“We’re not being mean” is an incredible thing to tell a pregnant person—some of whom may be pregnant as the result of a violent crime—while telling them that they don’t have the right to decide the trajectory of their own lives. You can’t get an abortion, but we’re not being mean! You can’t be mad at us!

The momentum behind the 15-week ban in Florida offers a glimpse into what activists on both sides say is an emerging strategy in some GOP-led legislatures to acclimate voters to a post-Roe world. The objective, these activists say, is to portray the Mississippi-style ban as a sensible compromise—even though a 15-week ban represents a dramatic rollback of the standard established by Roe, which protects the right to abortion until a fetus is viable outside the womb, around 22 to 24 weeks. Fifteen-week bans have been introduced recently in West Virginia and Arizona, and just like in Florida, both are moving swiftly through the legislature, even as Texas-style laws in other states have stalled.

Strangely, reproductive rights advocates aren’t buying the whole “Hey, it’s better than Texas!” argument, and desperately hope others won’t fall for it. “If they drop a bill so extreme and so crazy that it dominates the news for months, when they drop a 15-week ban, it does not look as extreme,” Annie Filkowski, policy director of the Florida Alliance of Planned Parenthood Affiliates, told the Post. “It looks like a compromise.” Samantha Deans, associate medical director for Planned Parenthood of South, East, and North Florida, shared a horrifying story with the paper about an 11-year-old who’d been raped by a family member and didn’t come in to the clinic until 23 weeks, when her mother realized she was pregnant. “Abortion bans like the one proposed here today are a direct assault on patient autonomy,” Deans told the Post. “No one should have their most personal decisions controlled by anyone beyond themselves…especially not by politicians.”

Meanwhile, a 15-week abortion ban wouldn’t just affect residents of Florida but pregnant people throughout the Southeast, who have come to rely on the state’s current law allowing for abortions up to 24 weeks; if the bill takes effect, people would probably have to travel to North Carolina for care. As the Post also notes, “Florida is the only state south of Virginia and east of New Mexico that does not require patients to schedule an initial consultation at least 24 hours before their procedure, allowing out-of-state patients to access abortion care without staying overnight.” That may not seem like big deal to some, but for women who can’t afford to pay for a hotel or to get an additional day off from work, it’s crucial.

Oh, and in a hilarious twist—and by hilarious we obviously mean deeply f--ked up—DeSantis and other Florida Republicans are getting flack for the 15-week proposal not being restrictive enough. Andrew Shirvell, executive director of Florida Voice for the Unborn, has called for the governor to back stricter bans like the one in Texas, saying there is “really little excuse” for giving pregnant people 15 weeks to make a deeply personal choice. “If you believe that abortion is murder, then you need to act like it,” he said.

For his part, DeSantis apparently believes he should be hailed as both a hero to the pro-choice movement and women in general. “I think [15 weeks is] very reasonable, and I think that’s very consistent with, you know, being supportive of protecting life,” he said at news conference last month. You hear that, gals? You know where to send those thank-you notes and flowers!

If you would like to receive the Levin Report in your inbox daily, click here to subscribe.

— Inside Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Unlikely Rise and Precipitous Fall at Liberty University
— Eric Adams Pulls Crypto-Paycheck Stunt Hours Before Bitcoin Crash
— Dave Chappelle and “the Black Ass Lie” That Keeps Us Down
— Trump’s January 6 Cover-Up Is Unraveling Fast
— Florida Man Has Growing God Complex
— In 2024, Mike Pence Is Gearing Up to Go Rogue
— New York Attorney General to Trump, Ivanka, and Don Jr.: Don’t F--k With Us
— Inside This Cable News Giant’s Streaming Dreams
— From the Archive: It Came From Wasilla
— Not a subscriber? Join Vanity Fair to receive full access to VF.com and the complete online archive now.